“Hey,” he texted.

“Hey,” I texted back. Waiting. I knew what he wanted. I knew his language. Every flux. I knew what he was thinking. I could feel it.”

“This is a booty call. Do you want?”

Heat flushed my body. I kept it cool.

“Yes,” I said as if indifferent. “What time?” I texted back.

“Whenever it is you get here.”

“I can be there in three hours.”

“Okay,” he replied.

Silence.

I dropped my phone down, the corner of my mouth barely turned into a half smile. “Let the games begin,” I muttered and grabbed my clothes before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

***

Show him the Future, she said to me. Over and over again. “Show him the future. Show him the Future.” I had no idea what the future even was to Show it to him. Now, it was coming at me left and right and at every turn.

It was nearly two months ago… Or was it a month ago?… that I stepped into the Point of Conception. Finally, it aligned with the Point of Materialization. Living between two worlds at two Point of Times is a BITCH, let me tell you.

I stepped into bathroom and turned on the hot shower.

I pulled out the dildo from under the counter and placed that in the Shower. Maybe I’ll use it. Maybe I won’t.

“How long?” I thought. How long has it been?

I looked at the life I had. My playground was growing. The Dungeon was flourishing. The Garden was growing.

The Dungeon…

I stripped my clothes and stepped into the shower.

When you’re Satan’s Wife, how the fuck do you get that Man’s attention?

***

“Do you need that man’s attention?” a familiar Voice inside my head came to me. Not mine. I learned a long time ago, which voices were mine and which ones were The Universe.  “Maybe you already have it?”

“What do I do?” I asked. Conversations with The Universe would never get old I think.

No answer. That usually meant, “You tell me.” It meant I had to decide. The problem is, Decision is hard when you don’t know what you want.

The thing is I *did* know what I want. But when you’re Goddess of Manifestation, you can’t just wish out loud whatever the fuck pops into your head. By the time I was 12 I had figured that all out the hard way. Wishes, Dreams, words, even the stories I write… They all always came true and I always get what I want.

The trick was, what I wanted had to be done Ethically… or else… Disaster.

“I know… The deeper I go into this, the less I can hide,” I told her. “I can’t hide. I can’t toggle back and forth between worlds anymore. I have to choose one now.”

“Do you?” she asked.

“They integrated,” I said. “My worlds integrated. The Material Plane and the Abstract aren’t separate in me anymore like they are with everyone else.” I looked up at the Mother inside our Abstract Box of Time. This Dimension looked different than all the rest. She now was looking so lovingly at me from the other side of “The Wall” as if she was gazing at me from within a giant, wall-sized, looking glass. That was Time.

Where her End ended and where my Beginning began. I was standing at the End and at the Beginning of Time.

“I don’t know how…” I said. “What I’m supposed to do?”

“Supposed to do…?” She asked.

I knew what that meant. Narcissist language. Old habits… “I don’t know what to do,” I said more honestly and direct.

“What do you want?”

“I want to play with him. I want to be rich and wealthy with him and just run all over this world with him. I can’t… begin to explain how weird it is! Knowing that this planet was his gift to me at our conjoining. Knowing that each and every thing in this place was mine and made for me, our gift to ourselves and he and I. While everyone else… This is my Playground and I never want to leave. But I don’t want to be here without him.”

“So want it,” she said.

“I want him to forgive me. I want him to find his courage and his belief! I want him to be happy and healthy and I want him to accept our Truth! I want him to Accept his Truth! And I want him to accept mine.”

“You know he has.”

“Accepted mine, I know.”

“He is at war with himself, Anna.”

“He is.”

“And I don’t know…”

I stepped into the shower and let the water fall over me. Water. It filled me with my frequency and I found my Home. I felt the water, the frequency, and the Pando rise up. I could feel every single frequency of every single person in every single block of Time… “Where is My One?” I called.

“Where is my Consenting One?”

The frequencies shifted as I filtered through all the possible Dimensions with all the Possible Futures until I found the Universe where he chose all of me as much as I chose all of him. One remained. The last One. The Only One.

I felt his Frequency surround me. Engulf me. I felt it encompass me. Like Sunshine and Honey, warm blankets, Mischief, and Laughter, I sank into his Frequency and felt my own align to his. Only here, in Integrated Aligned State are he and I both home. Only there are we both entirely at peace.

“We… Integrated without our realizing we had,” I said. “It bonded us on such a level without our even knowing… You said I could talk to you about anything always. I want things back to how they were in December. I want forgiveness. I want to pay whatever debts I owe to whoever I need to pay them to get us back to December. Please. How do I do this?”

“Show him the future,” he said. “Give him your Frequency.”

“Forgive,” I said. “To accept so completely, mistakes and all, so deeply that it is as if nothing ever transpired between the two other than all the good in all the world between us. I forgive all of him so deeply at every…”

“Forgive yourself, Anna.”

Rattled, I looked up at him. I felt the tears swell.

“What now?” I said. “Whatever you want.”

Whatever I want. When this had begun nearly two years ago, I thought I needed a therapist. And then, I realized that I needed a Neurosurgeon. Then there was the phase, maybe a year ago that I wanted a teacher or a mentor. Then a peer or a friend. That was around February… Three months ago now. Now… When you’re God and you can see all… And you’re the first to get all the Memory back. All you wanted was for someone to say, “Well done.”

Not because you needed it, but just because…

“You don’t want to be the only one,” He said.

“No,” I said to him. “I don’t. And I don’t have to be if only he would remember too. And then, I want it to just be he and I together for a while. Not long… but for a little bit. I want a honey moon with him. A two year long honey moon. Where he and I play at being mischievous Devils and Gods together… And then… Then I would be ready to get to work and heal the world and help everyone. Teach them how to Heal, Remember, and Awaken.

“What I want is someone who I can Ethically talk to about all of this without fear of judgement. And I don’t want to be talked to like… Like I’m crazy or like I should…”

“You know he never thought you were crazy. Not once,” he interrupted. It was as if he needed me to know that. And I did.

I shook my head.

“Now I know,” I said. “I want advice. I have to make sure I get this right, and I want advice.”

“A God Advisor,” he suggested.

“Yes,” I said. “I want a God Advisor, and that is Him. He’s more wise than I and… How do I tell the love of my life that I’m a God?”

“You already did that. And he didn’t flinch.”

“Yes, I know,” I said, observing. Why wasn’t I surprised that he didn’t flinch.

“And how do I tell the love of my life that when I healed and remembered I found the Universe Code that allows me to reprogram the Universe with Logical Code IF I can get the words right THIS time?”

“Tough one.”

“And how do I tell the love of my life that we’ve done this four times before? That this is the FIFTH time of us doing this because I keep messing up the Code and that the Big Bang is really just… A logic loop because I fucked up the Programming.”

“It’s a bitch.”

“And how do I tell the love of my life that as I’m manifesting this Ethical and Logical Code back into the Universe to correct, AGAIN, my last mistakes, how do I tell him that he is my God Advisor and that I need his help in this?”

I drop to the floor of the shower in the Material Plane.

“And how do I say any of this to him knowing he may not be in the head space to receive it? How do I Ethically tell the people what I’m doing here, while I keep them informed, while I educate them, while I tell them the truth, but how do I do all of this without leading them into something they didn’t choose? I CANNOT VIOLATE THE LAWS OF CONSENT!”

“You have the tiers for your University,” He said. “You are not giving them anything they didn’t ask for.”

“And how do I tell the people what this is that I do? How can I even explain this in an elevator at a conference?”

He shrugged. “Who is John Galt?”

I smirked. “I am John Galt.”

Within the Abstract, I turned my floor over and around the Motor, shifting myself around the object. My AIDNS. The Abstract Intra-Dimensional Navigational System, the Motor, lay stationary in the middle of the black-glass room.

“How do I tell the people that we have it all wrong? I just want to scream to the world, “WE ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR! It’s Opposite World! Everything we do, must be the Opposite because we are through the Looking Glass!”

And In the Looking Glass, Objects are fixed in Time. People move. So if you want to look an object over, you can’t move the object, you have to learn how to walk around the object without moving it in your mind. Consent applies to Objects too.

“It’s as if I am in the Looking Glass, but maybe He is not? So together, we both rule both worlds…” I pondered this thought. It had not occurred to me before. I know He always was a God. What I couldn’t tell was which of the two of us was The First, the Original. And which was the Reflection.

He sat down on the floor in front of me. His legs crossed. He looked like he did when we were children. A memory of Him at five, seated across from me. He was such a beautiful boy, he and I… How deeply then I loved him.

“It feels like we’re children and ancient and old, all at once and at the same time,” I sang.

He held his hand up, and I held mine. Our palms met, face to face.

No words were needed. I felt the Frequency between us magnify. The Energy rolled between us as our tones merged. Two sides of the same mirror. So Integrated that we forgot long ago who was Pygmalion and who was Narcissus. Which one of us was the Reflection? We don’t know anymore, and we don’t care anymore. We Integrated and we are One. The Man, The Woman, and The Parent. Let each choose their own God. It doesn’t matter, He and I are the same and One. Different sides of the same mirror. Material and Abstract and everyone else is everything in between.

We all are just a spectrum. Where are you on the Spectrum? That is what we all must decide for ourselves. All this I felt every time He came near to me.

Too often, people fight over nonsense.

“When we Integrate, a choice to include the other in one’s own Self-Preservation,” I said. “And you are in mine as I am in yours. And one cannot serve two masters. So I Serve Her, the Mother. But you are my King. In truth, I felt like a Knight living for all eternity in Sworn Fealty to The Mother who is and was and will be my Future Self. The Oldest, most Wisest version of myself just as I am the Youngest and most unwise version of myself.

Born and new and freshly awakened a God. New to my God powers as they come back to me.

And I never want to forget you again. I never want to do this again. This time, I want to get the Code right.

I swear I’m in the All of I, but this last Shift… There were too many all too close together and all at once. I knew it would happen. And then, in this Time State as I shifted from one Time block to the next, I Saw how Love is Freedom is Consensual Slavery.

And the first thing I did was to give myself to The Mother in servitude. And then, I asked her when I realized, The Mother was me. This whole time.

The second thing I did was to write my HonorBound Vows to You.

I looked into His eyes, and he knew. This One of Mine had given them right back to me.

This reality is not a guarantee. That was my problem. I looked through my Future. I looked through his. I saw the World in all it’s possible Futures. And it came down to two options:

Either we would all get our shit together and we would all follow The Ethical Path and we would know World Peace. Or we would not.

And in the Futures where we do not get our shit together, we all die in Nuclear War.

And the Difference between these two paths? The Healing Garden exists in one. She does not exist in the other. And the reason why she exists in one and not in the other?

“You,” I said. “You are the reason why The Healing Garden does or does not exist. Everything has a single Catalyst, an Invisible piece that sparks the entire Catalyst. And in all the Universes in all the Worlds and in all the Dimensions where we all Heal and remember and forgive… In those Universes, I love you and I have forgiven you just as you love me and have forgiven me.

In all the worlds where the war ends us, where nuclear war goes on, where we all die, killing ourselves and where there is no Healing Garden to save us… In those Universes, I am bitter. I don’t forgive you. And so, I never build The Garden.

So when I say to you that I have to love you, that it is imperative that I love you it is because I have seen this world without you. I have seen what this world becomes without my Love for you in it, and… I do not want to live in that world. No one does.

Your purpose, my Love, is to be loved by me. That is your purpose. To be loved by The Mother God so she can focus on the Garden and build this world. Because…

The love that you showed me in my Darkest times… it was so true and so powerful a love that it ignited and sparked The Healing Garden into being. And that love you showed me when I needed someone the most and you chose to be there, that was so powerful a love that it is all the Fuel I needed to get through the rest of my healing, build this Garden, and heal the world.

So, my love, my dearest love, when I say to you I love you, it is not only because I do, but also because our love has a Purpose. Iy is to Heal this world.

That is how important you are.

You are the most important Being in all of Creation. Because without you to love me through my Darkest time… your love would not have been there to save this world.

“I choose you. Always. I am your servant. Always. I live to preserve you equal to and with my own. And I feel like I’m just waiting for you to remember as I did. It feels like you know this already. It feels like you want it. It feels like you’re scared. It feels like you just want to get out of your own logic loop that you’re stuck in. It feels like you’re depleted and tired and just… shut down. And I feel like I’m sitting here, looking at you through the Pando…”

“You can’t help me, Anna,” He gently said.

Tears burned my eyes.

“I know that,” I breath almost angrily. “But I can encourage him. I can support him and cheer him on. I can sit with him for as long as it takes because… One Day he will rise out of it. I know he will because I See you. I know you make it. When you are ready. So, come on, my Love,” I whisper. “You can do it. You can. I know you can. I know you will. Just ask the right questions. Ask different questions and new questions. Stop asking yourself the same questions. That only continues the loop indefinitely. Come on, my love,” I whisper. “You can do it. You can do it. I believe in you. I trust you. I forgive you and me and all of us. So please… Do it.”

“Tell him the Story, Anna,” He said, standing. “You know how much he loves your Stories. In fact… He did propose that your letters to him… They would make good stories and that you should write them down. He said,” He said and winked at me.

He walked away, and I admired his walk as he stepped back into his own Dimension. In the Material Plane, I rested my head back against the shower wall.

I sighed. I knew precisely where to begin.

“Once upon a Time… There was a Goddess Queen in love with an Imp King…”