“You love him!” Hosea had screamed these words at me a hundred times before. There was no use in lying… pretending… I loved Him. It was more than apparent. I couldn’t say His name without glowing. “I do,” I said sorrowfully for Hosea. If there was a way I could undo this… Take away his […]
Where Love Belongs
“Elizabeth.” I raised my head to Ian who stood over me. “Ian?” I said. He knelt beside me and pulled me into his arms. “What is it, lass?” “I…” The sobs stifled my voice. “I’m lost.” “You’re right here, in me.” “I don’t know who I am anymore.” “Don’t you?” “I…” How could I explain? […]
Unbreak Me.
“You’re wearing Kallan’s coat,” I said. “I am,” Bergen answered with his grin. “It’s been a while,” I said. I looked at Bergen. He looked at me. He was calm despite the stern look in his eyes. “It has.” He said nothing, waiting for me to speak. Bergen always knew when not to speak. “She […]
Reflections… Two
There was never any resolution. His coat. His coat. “Why don’t you ever take it off? You always wear your shoes and coat?” “Because I have to be ready to run.” Dad and Shaun would fight. I could hear their screams down the hall. And then the screen door would slam and the fighting would […]
Emotions and Trauma
I spent much of my life, rejecting my emotions. They were weapons used against me. It was logical and I was justified to shun my emotions to protect me. I had reached Khalinar. The state of pure logic. I was cold, a machine, systematic, and completely logic. I was no longer human. In this state […]
Taking back the power
I need to talk and I think I finally have it in me to talk. There’s a lot so… Everything snowballed these last few weeks and it all just kind of hit the bottom this week. I have BPD, PTSD, Bipolar, am in weekly therapy sessions with CBT and DBT along with two meds. I’ve […]
Almost Peace
Accept my vulnerabilities. I permit a slight chuckle. I don’t even know what they are. My mind feels frail. As if my mental armor has been thinned from therapy. I have less control over my reactions. I feel raw and naked. “Who am I?” This all started with those words, didn’t it? “What do you […]
One More Day…
I want to say, “Please let me be. Please let me go. I love my husband too much to risk losing him or hurting him ever again. And talking to you, connecting with you would do just that. There’s too much I don’t know about right now. Too much that just… I’m too messed up […]
Fractured Minds and Shattered Glass
Numb. Feel nothing. Shut it down. I slipped into my mind, into the depths where everything was black and nothing—no voice, no pain—could reach me. “Back again, huh?”I could hear Ian smirk through the dark. “I am,” I said. “You’re not supposed to shut down,” he said as if to pass the time. “I don’t […]
Dreaming in Emotion
I’m dreaming in emotion. I’ve never experienced anything like this. As early as five, I remember… I was five. I was five when I dreampt that. My step-brother had crawled into an oven. The oven didn’t hurt him, but he melted the face of my doll. I’ve been terrified of dolls since. Seeing its face […]