“I’m sorry. I have to end our commitment.” I run these words over and over in my head lately. I can’t stop replaying them. “It’s been a while since we last spoke.” I looked at William at my kitchen table. The afternoon Irish sun blazed through the open window. From here I could see the […]
Breathe. Let go. Smile.
Mediation is the undoing of trauma. Yoga is mediation for your body. – Angela B. Chrysler I feel it. The end of my journey. The end. Something you never quite recognize until you can look back and see just how far you’ve come. Something you never quite recognize until you can look ahead and smile. […]
The power of “I.”
This is one post I’ve put off for a while. A number of my followers will unfollow me. Many will lash out at me. Total strangers will attack me for this. Then, just yesterday, I realized that these same people didn’t care about me when they horrified me and threatened me as a child. Nor […]
18 Months Later
28 August 2016… 2 April 2015 I was checked into the ER for evaluation. I still remember the panic attack because I was standing two feet from a male who wasn’t my Isaac. The room had nearly ten people in it and I couldn’t breathe. I shook from head to toe, and it was […]
Unbreaking Me: Look Back
When last I wrote, I was fine… I kissed him for the last time and turned away. My therapy dropped down to bi-weekly. Recently, I learned that this means I am no longer in “crisis” mode. Apparently, I was in crisis mode. My therapist is leaving soon. She offered me the chance to go through […]
Against the Shadows Part 4
Bergen It’s been days now. She’s just sat there. Watching me. Waiting. She is used to me though. I can move, sleep, wake, shuffle, piss… she’s okay with me being here. She’s sleeping now. She sleeps a lot. Screams often. Cries always. The abuse and grief blanket her body like a veil of death. I […]
Final Pieces… Falling Together…
“I watched Walking Dead this weekend,” I said. “The simplicity… They had a blacksmith, a garden… Everything was just… simple. And this… this is what I need to talk about. Ireland.” Simple. I thought. Is that all I really was looking for? As a child I stripped all electronics from my room. I wouldn’t even […]
Against the Shadows Part 3
“Elizabeth.” A smile spilled across my face. I knew him before I turned and saw him. “Raven,” I sighed. My smile fell the moment I looked. A stranger stood before me. “Who are you?” I asked. “You know who I am.” “I don’t…” I tried to remember. “This is how I really am.” And all […]
Marital Affairs
Coming Soon… Marital Affairs The ugly truth and Hollywood’s glorification of an emotionally shredding experience. I wrote this on 2 November 2015… then swiftly forgot about it. Now, at nearly a year later since I wrote Broken, is as good a time as any to reflect on this. I’m going to be what only […]
Against the Shadows Part #2
I stepped into the subterranean lake. As always, moonlight spilled across the lake. I didn’t have to wait long to hear Erik’s violin and I smiled. Many a day and night I had laid in this room, splayed on the steps… on the bed… listening to him play. I grew up here, crying into his […]