Accept my vulnerabilities.

I permit a slight chuckle.

I don’t even know what they are.

My mind feels frail. As if my mental armor has been thinned from therapy. I have less control over my reactions. I feel raw and naked.

“Who am I?”

This all started with those words, didn’t it?

“What do you want?”

Those were the questions. Right now, I want to be strong. I want to not only never be hurt again. I want to know I can prevent myself from ever being hurt again. I want to know I can protect me. I want to stop toggling between worlds.

I had sex with my husband last night and this time… this time, I didn’t trigger. I passed out after and finally… finally… I fell asleep soundly without the demons to haunt me. So, this is how the rest of the world experiences intimacy. It’s nice. I hate that I haven’t been able to experience it until now.