In Defiance

There is a “stage” process when a person heals. For a rape victim, there are variations on how a person may handle… re-establishing control over their bodies.

Here is what I have been doing.

Painting the house. This established control over the change in my environment and helps ground me as well as mark my home as “mine.”

I refuse to wear a bra. This is a defiant, “I loathe bras and uncomfortable clothing, and I’ll wear what I want!” I have small breasts so I’m not all over the place with it. And I wear a lot of scarves and shawls. No one has noticed 🙂

These next three are all about appearances. These were all things I did to make myself physically attractive to men as a way to seduce them. Now, they are being used as a source of defiance.

Refuse to shave until I’m good and ready!
Weight gain. I’ve put on 30 pounds since my therapy began… but I also lost 20 pounds in one month before it started.
Refuse to dance. I danced on the 6th for the first time since March.

Refuse to shower. The pedophile I was with would not let me shower unless he consented and it was under his schedule. This is my way of taking back some of that control.

So… the painting… I wanted to show you what I’ve been doing with my house! One moment! I’m taking pictures with my Instagram to embed here!

I painted the kitchen red.