Oh. My God. Now THAT is how you make a Star Wars Film!
And the Nerd Shall Inherit the earth! And so this shall come to pass and we looked upon the face of the deep and have decided. This is good. Now let’s rock this! Nerds have definitely completed their take over, but more on this in another post. I have so much to say and it all is trying to get out at the same time.
My reviews are broken into subsections. The bare minimum zero-spoiler review. And I mean, zero spoiler. Then I tell all in a second review. View the Table of Contents then decide.
“Tell me nothing!” Review
Relax. You’ll find no spoilers here.
“Long ago, in a galaxy far far away…”
The moment I saw these words I knew, I was back. I walked into this movie sick to my stomach with worry. “I’m going to puke!” I said to my husband all the way there. Was I walking into another teenie bopper Titanic heart throb meets some warped dimension where Spock kisses Uhuru? My nerves were shot.
But I knew, the moment I saw those words we all know and love, I was in the right place.
Overall, unlike Episodes I, II, and III, which felt like it was “trying too hard” to be what it wasn’t, Episode VII felt relaxed and inviting just like Episodes IV, V, and VI.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how it’s done. It looked like Star Wars, felt like Star Wars, encompassed Star Wars. It was Star Wars… the long awaited sequel to Episode VI Return of the Jedi. Aside from the occasional new face thrown in to bring a subtle, though modern feel and bring balance to the film… and the Force, this is the Star Wars we all know and love! I will say no more only that if episodes I, II, and III had been filmed like this, you still wouldn’t be sitting here wondering if you should trust Lucas/Abrams again. We certainly wouldn’t have been gun shy about Episode VII. Why are you sitting here still? Go watch it!
Still not convinced? Let me introduce you to Stan. He was there for Episode IV when it released in 25 May 1977.
As one of those who stood in line for hours for the original Star Wars (back then it was just “Star Wars” and not A New Hope,) it was (in HMS jargon) f-riggin’ fabulous. Nice to get back to the original mold. My whole family thought it was a throwback to the old days. Anticipation is a good thing. I always wanted Leia to pick up a light saber and do back flips off Jabba the Hut. Had to wait a few years to have a heroine like that.
Now… If you don’t want any spoilers, stop reading here. If you want to get to the next review with spoilers, scroll down.
… Just a moment…
… Scrolling down so those who don’t want to see spoilers won’t…
…. Okay!
“I’ve read the book. Spare no Spoilers.” Review
WARNING! Spoiler alert, but I’ll try to hold back and leave you some pleasant surprises for the film.
WOW! I mean OMG WOW! I think the line “Han Solo has the droid you are looking for on the Millenium Falcon” is the line that sums this experience up. I saw old faces. Old, familiar faces. I met new faces. And there was that moment in the film where I looked at Will Wheaton… and someone who I thought was Walking Dead’s Steven Yeun, mistaking the character for a younger, sexier George Takei. Then forget I was watching Star Wars, and not Star Trek.
The movie kicked off introducing us to many new faces (no Ja Ja Binx. You can relax). At once, I set to work judging them. The female lead brought a refreshing Star Wars air to the world as Carrie Fisher once did forty years ago. This girl captured it! The male lead brought the spunky modern no non-sense, tell it like it is to the screen as we see with his one-liners and “too-cool” for the big screen feel to him. But he kept it in check and didn’t disappoint. In a matter of minutes, you grow attached and begin routing him on.
BB-8 The new droid on the scene to fill R2D2’s shoes. And those are BIG shoes to fill. At once, I fell in love with him. Like his tech counterpart in Episode IV, BB-8 rolls right into your heart and wins you over. So we have the new crew who slowly—and I do mean slowly—run into the old crew.
You will see Harrison Ford revive the role that made him. He’s older, slower, and is everything you would expect in a much older Han Solo. I glimpsed Carrie Fisher’s beautiful face before C3P-O shoved his tin can in the way. More than ever C3P-O amused and delighted, but this time, Daniels’ droid had no need to try to “save the movie” as you saw in Episode II and III. Once C3P-O was out of the way, I looked upon Carrie and cried. I couldn’t see her eyes and not see Debbie there. For me, it was very emotional to be seeing a movie, finally, on the big screen, finally with Carrie Fisher “wearing” the face of her beloved mother. You bet your ass I cried.
Tangent
For those of you who don’t know… Carrie Fisher is the beautiful daughter of the late Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fischer. Carrie took the name of her father. I grew up hunting down movies of Debbie Reynolds. From The Mating Game, Susan Slept Here, to Singing In The Rain where Reynolds was taught by Gene Kelly himself how to dance, I grew up knowing, loving, and adoring Debbie. I can’t watch Susan Slept Here without smiling. The whole movie was filmed with a Debbie Reynolds pregnant with “Princess Leia.” I grew up seeing a “Princess Leia” dance with Gene Kelly.
For me, now, after all these years, to see Carrie look so much like her mother… It wasn’t Leia. To me, it was Debbie Reynolds. She looks so much like her mother.
You know this rag tag team of young and old will somehow fall together. It was delightful trying to figure out how as they did. I did NOT see Ford’s arrival coming when he made his entrance. I did see Carrie’s. I did not expect C3P-O’s or R2D2’s.
We met this delightful new character who stole the show. The Wise One who lent wisdom to the misfits and guidance. I adored her and wanted so much, to see more. So with a perfect movie, do you have anything bad to say? Alas, I do. For that, I had to wait for the second half of this review. Here come the big spoilers. If you don’t want them, now is your chance to back out.
Now… If you don’t want any spoilers, stop reading here. If you want to get to the next review with spoilers, scroll down.
… Just a moment…
… Scrolling down so those who don’t want to see spoilers won’t…
…. Okay!
“I’ve see the film. Tell me EVERYTHING!” Review
WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! I don’t hold back!
This section assumes you have read the previous preview. It continues, where I left off.
Complaint #1
The primary complaint I had really involves only one character. The antagonist.
So! The bad guy! I was sold… until he took off his mask. Keeping Vader faceless was part of what made him so evil. It left the degree of his “ugliness” to our imaginations. We held our breaths at the unveiling. Oooh! Chills
“Luke. Take of my mask.”
“But you’ll die.
“Just once, I want to look upon you with my own eyes.”
I was nine. I held my breath, bit my fingers, and hugged my knees to my chest. What would I see? What would there be? It was intense.
And when I saw Anakin’s face. Only one question followed. “What happened to him?” (I never read the books because, damn! Where do I begin!?)
You don’t experience ANY of this with Episode VII.
“Take off your mask.”
I held my breath… then gazed upon some kid desperately in need of a haircut. WTF!? He looks like a Jew! I wanted to scream at the screen. It was horribly disappointing. No scars, no reasons WHATSOEVER for the mask or the breathing apparatus. This time, it was just for… I don’t know.
Complaint #2
Next complaint. This movie had a nugget of “big reveal” and they blew it.
Did I mention this is a big spoiler?
So you meet the mysterious bad guy.
The epic bad guy approaches the dark lord… You know. The “Next Sith Lord.”
“The droid we are looking for is on the Millennium Falcon with Han Solo.”
YEAH! I cheer. Now that is an epic line! And they give it to us TWICE!
“With your father.”
Silence.
What? The Vader wanna-be is Solo’s son? DAMN IT!
At once I filled in the mystery with the use of my own common sense. Of course the bad guy has the Force. He got it from Leia. Another light bulb. Leia and Solo had a son and he inherited Anakin’s madness. DAMN! Why didn’t they save that until the end!?! DAMN!
No build up. No mystery. No dramatic delivery. Nothing.
I must have watched the Sith Lord say “Luke Skywalker” a hundred times to Vader and, looking back, remembered how cold Vader was at the mention of his own son… looking back. It added evilness to the depths of Vader. Wow. This guy was “COLD!” To hear his son’s name and show no sign that he knew the name of Skywalker? Not here. No chance.
Speaking of Vader. Solo’s son turns out to be a crazed Vader fan who made of point of going back to the Ewok’s planet and digging up the remains of Vader. He keeps them on a shrine in his room. Creepy. Over the top. Seriously lame.
Actually, the longer this film went on, the more the “bad guy” seemed like a total weeny. Which brings me to my third complaint.
Rey.
Complaint #3
I must clarify. Rey is not the complaint. Rey has nothing to do with this complaint. Rey only delivers the perspective required to make said complaint.
So… Rey is “some girl” the droid finds on the planet. We love her sharp wit, quick tongue, and self-strength right away. She’s a slave of sorts who waits for her kin to come for her. Aside from that, we know nothing else about this girl. As the movie plays on, we learn more at appropriate times. She is as good as Solo in piloting an aircraft. Better… at times. She’s as spunky as Leia. But unlike Luke, she wants to get back to her no-life existence on her dull home planet.
While talking to the Wise woman, the Force calls to her and leads her to Luke’s lightsaber. She touches it and has a vision… much like the Vision Luke had in the swamps with Vader. She comes to and the wise woman says, “It calls to you.” She says, I want no part of this. The woman passes the lightsaber on to Solo.
So clearly “the Force is strong with this one.”
But Leia doesn’t notice? WTF? Rey is captured and subjected to torture. we see her fight back and win the Vulcan Mind Meld against Solo’s Son. I went. “Whoa! The Force is strong with this one.”
I nearly died laughing when she says to her guard, “you will untie my bonds and exit the room, leaving the door open behind you.” He does so. “And drop the gun.”
No training? Wow!
“The Force is strong with this one.”
I think back to the one question asked by the wise woman. “Who’s the girl?”
Now I’m asking, “Who IS this girl?”
We don’t know.
But by then end of the film, she faces off with Solo’s son. I’m thinking. Wow! She is going to kick his ass.
STOP!
I break to analyze.
No training… and she beats this Jedi?
I can buy it. She’s that strong.. BUT!
This Jedi who she defeats, Solo’s Son, supposedly defeated Luke Skywalker.
And there it lost its credibility.
I didn’t question Rey’s strength. However, Solo’s Son is a total looser! How could anyone like this even come close to defeating Luke?
So if you ignore that “little” hiccup, the movie is perfect! You should go watch it 🙂
Conclusion with spoilers
I adored seeing Admiral Akbar and braced for his “It’s a trap.” I adored the “This is the Death Star… This is the Uber Kill Star.” I’m paraphrasing here. I adored seeing a variation on a scene I once saw two episodes ago. In all honesty, the only REAL complaint I had with this film is that their all-star cast was so big, it distracted me from the movie. Did you know Andy Sertkis is in it also!? As usual he was hiding behind another face 🙂 I’ll let you figure out which one.
And no. Chewbacca does not die.
Side note… I am so hyped up on adrenaline I can not remember any of the character names and/or place names and am too shaky to type let alone Google all this information at the moment. I’ll come back to it.
Please comment below! Feel free to agree, disagree, bash my review below or add your own insight/review. I would love to hear what you thought about the film.
