I’ve been quiet lately. Too busy in life to find time to write…but I miss writing. I miss you. The year is almost over and I feel I should tell you about mine. I went on Walk-About. I took a mental journey. I spent a year reflecting on me and…well…this is what I have learned this year.

1. I love food. I mean, I love food. It’s not that I didn’t love food before. It’s just that what I had before, I wouldn’t call it ‘food’ and, therefore, mistook my disgust for food a confusion of what food is. Now that I’ve sorted all that out, I love food!
2. I’m an exercising health nut. I still have no idea what to do with this information.
3. I love writing. I’m a miserable bitch when I miss writing. I currently miss writing.
4. Don’t stand on a hot coal. It fucking hurts. I stepped on a hot coal this summer. It was so hot that it glued itself to the bottom of my foot. I had to shake my foot to get it off.
5. I learned how important ice is. When the body gets burned, it tries to cool itself down by rushing liquid to the burnt area. This is not the best method to cool a burn as the fluid will cause severe inflammation that will cause additional damage to the body. Instead, apply ice, which will tell the body it won’t need to cool down the burnt area. Ice. Ice. Ice. For five hours. Get that temperature down. Ice can take a three-degree burn down to a two-degree burn.
6. Way too many people think eggs are the best things to put on burns. Don’t. This is stupid. Eggs may contain *semolina. You are putting semolina on an open wound and you’re not applying the cold that your body needs to stop cooking. Eggs contaminate the wound, infect the wound, keep the burn cooking, and is just dumb. Stop putting eggs on burns, people.
7. I have bipolar. Bipolar fucking sucks. I have to take meds for the rest of my life. I have messed up chemicals in my head that make me sad for no stupid reason whatsoever. Sometimes, I get so sad, I want to kill myself. These fits of sadness often follow severe spikes of energy and euphoric happiness, which I love. But I can’t have one without the other. Bipolar sucks.
8. I love my children. I mean…I LOVE my children.
9. I love my husband. More than life itself. I love my husband.
10. All those times I felt dangerously high on life and I thought that high was coming for other people…it wasn’t. It was coming from me. I somehow believed that high was caused by others who made me feel good about me. Turns out, I make me feel good about me. Still don’t know what to do with this.
11. I miss booze. Not for the fun party sense. I miss the art form of wine. I miss Bailey’s. I miss Guinness.
12. I love German beer. American beer sucks.
13. I can write books so well that they can end of being #1 best selling on Amazon. Dolor and Shadow hit #154 this year! Makes me want to write more Bergen.
14. I miss Bergen.
15. I learned just how much being raped on 9/11 can fuck someone up. I also learned that I have no peers. That there are very few people who were raped like me. I feel so alone.
16. I’m still angry with my father.
17. I’m enraged at my rapists.
18. I have so much rage…Some days, I don’t know what to do with it all.
19. I still feel guilty for not being there on 9/11.
20. I miss New York.
21. The official hot dog brand of New York City is Sabrets. Sabrets is the only hot dog I can eat that does not give me indigestion, heart burn, or hot dog burbs.
22. Hot dog burbs are disgusting.
23. Deep fried Twinkies are FRICKING GOOD! They smell like a carnival.
24. French fries taste like deep fried Twinkies when deep fried in the same oil as the Twinkies. This too, is FRICKIN GOOD!
25. I saw my first monarch butterfly caterpillar this year.
26. I love Halloween more than Christmas.
27. I have a hole inside of me that makes me want to curl up and die…That hole is filled with hurt and hate. It hurts so much.
28. The Twilight franchise is actually really great to watch if you invite your 14 year-old’s friends over with the sole intent on bashing the living shit out of the Twilight series.
29. Luffy can still make me smile.
30. Luffy can still make me cry.
31. I love knitting. Probably more than I should.
32. I miss my friends down in North Carolina.
33. I’m sick of therapy.
34. I am sick of food. I hate food. I hate no words more than “I’m hungry” coming from my kids. On the advise of my girlfriend, I instead, gave each of my children $25.00 to buy their own groceries. This food covers breakfasts, snacks, and lunches for one week (They also get breakfast and lunch from school). I watched one child buy 100% junk food. Another buy 50% junk food, and the third buy eggs, bacon, whole grain bread, yogurt, and hot dogs. The child who bought 100% junk food is out of food already and is officially sick of carbs and sugar. He plans on buying meat and whole grain foods next week. He also devoured the beef and salmon that I served for dinner last night. I now only shop for me and family dinners. I love this arrangement.
35. *I also learned how to spell salmonella and that I had been spelling semolina all this time. Of course I know what semolina is. I read about it every time I bake. Now I’m wondering what the correlation between salmon and salmonella is.