At long last. Here is an article I finally can write.
It is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. No doubt we’ve seen countless information this month about abused women. No doubt, you will see countless more “save the abused women” this month.
I do not discredit these cries of awareness toward woman. This article does not support abuse toward woman at all. Afterall,
But today, I want to talk about the unspoken minority. The Voiceless. The Men.
This is a subject that makes me enraged. I will tell you why.
I know two men who have been raped. One of them went to the police who laughed at them. I know a man who was tied to a chair and forced to watch his wife fuck her lover in front of him. Excuse the language but there really is no gentle way to say that. I know men, countless men who are/were slapped, emasculated, and down right beaten by their wives/girlfriends of all races. Of all classes. That doesn’t include the vast number of women I have heard verbally bashing their husbands behind their back. For five years, I worked in a children’s store with 30+ women and no men. I can not begin to tell you how much man-bashing I had to listen to.
I have heard wives call their husbands:
- A “Fixer Upper” See my rant on Frozen.
- One likened her husband to her sons. For the longest time we thought she was a single mother with three sons.
- I know a woman who literally threw feces at her mate.
- I know a woman who regularly slandered her husband in front of her family.
- I know three men who have been hit with a frying pan including one man whose wife hit him with a cast iron frying pan over his head. She almost killed him.
- I witnessed a woman beat the crap out of her husband while he lay unconscious. His daughters stepped over his body while his wife proceeded to slap him.
Ladies! I am addressing this to you in a very, non-accusatory, but “make-sure-you-are-aware-of-this” sort of way. It is not okay to hit, slap, beat, or man-bash your mate!
IT IS NOT OKAY TO HIT, SLAP, BEAT, OR MAN-BASH YOUR MATE!
Emasculating a man is equivalent to a man abandoning a woman. Both communicate one thing clearly to the other. “I don’t want you. I don’t approve of you. You’re not good enough for me.” Every time a woman puts down or shames her man, it is equivalent to her man walking out on her… over and over and over…
More men than who have been given credit for…
- Do NOT talk about you behind your back unless he has already decided to dump you or has dumped you.
- Do NOT bash you unless you can defend yourself.
- Would never trash talk you.
Ladies! Show them the same respect. Reserve the gossip for… I don’t know. I have no idea why anyone would gossip. I have no idea why so many women have the need to habitually “discuss” other people . Under no circumstance should a woman ever gossip about the man she has sworn to love. Under no circumstance should a spouse ever gossip about the spouse they supposedly love. If you have a problem with your man, keep it in the bedroom! “Man up” and tell it to his face in a non-abusive fashion.
Common Myths about Men
“Men can step up.”
No, they can not. They are emasculated and torn down if they do. They are mocked and openly ridiculed and laughed at if they try.
Men get an erection when they are aroused.
Males of all ages—including infants—get an erection when there is a shift in blood pressure. This can result from fear, rage, anger, stress, adrenaline, waking up from sleep, shift in testosterone, and yes, sexual arousal.
When a man is erect, he is thinking about sex.
No. See above.
Men can handle it.
They shouldn’t have to.
Too many women threaten men and withhold sex if they displease their female.
Ladies! Sex is never a weapon. I’m a rape victim! I know and I am telling you. Sex to a man is your approval and acceptance of him. When you withdraw sex to punish him, you are really saying, “I don’t approve of you. I don’t accept you.” You have emasculated him.
A rapist is all about a way for them to enforce and regain a feeling of control because they themselves feel no control. They have identified with the aggressor and are trying to regain their control through rape. Nothing more. Nothing less. A RAPE IS NOT SEX. It is an act of violence, a violation—It is control being stripped from one person to temporarily empower the other.
I know more men who have been beaten than women. In fact, I am the only woman I know who has been beaten. All the rest were men. This is not to say woman are not being beaten. They are. This is to say that many men are subjected to physical abuse than we want to admit. This is to say that almost every man is subjected to some form of verbal abuse from his wife. This includes name calling, man-bashing, underhanded remarks about his intelligence and immaturity, slander, and character assassination.
I am a rape survivor and endured physical abuse, torture, and animal abuse. I received this all from men. I fear men (and am in therapy to handle that), and still adore what men are. I still see the men who are gentle, loving, and so much fun to be around!
I have no tolerance—NO TOLERANCE—for the gender wars. Just this last week while reading my review on Frozen with another couple, she announced that “Men are stupid.” Her husband only spoke up to defend himself. Actually, he dismissed himself from the room announcing, “I’m not getting into this” with a smile.
I have no tolerance—NO TOLERANCE—for generalizing. There are some pretty horrible men out there. Take it from a rape survivor. There are some pretty horrible women out there. The media loves to side with the underdog: The woman. We are frail, small, and petite… and some of us can be abusive and vicious.
I want to take this moment to review sitcoms. Everybody Loves Raymond, Family Matters, Simpsons, and King of Queens are prime examples of this. In every case, the husband was depicted as a stereo-typical moron while the wife was portrayed as the brains behind the operation. In every case, the man was depicted as incapable of getting through a single day without the wife. Lies.
There is a lot, that women don’t know about men.
I learned so much about men. I studied them. Tested them. I played with them to learn just as much as they played with me. We pushed each other to our limits.
They showed me more ugly pussies…
They taught me how to drink. Oh my god, the Jäger bombs! I built up such a tolerance…
I came to learn so much from them. In trying to determine where that breaking point was, they actually toughened me up for anything they could dish out and I learned to loosen up and take it. I learned to ease up and laugh.
I have no breaking point. If I do, I haven’t found it yet. They taught me to truly throw my head back, laugh, and enjoy life. No matter how grotesque a picture they showed, I smiled, said, “sweet” and quickly found one to one up them.
I learned how laid back and wonderful men truly are. They just want to have a good time. Truly. But unlike women, they really know how and aim to do that every second they get. They are always on the look out for a good time. And they hate having to do what they don’t want to do. But when they do, they turn it into a game and find a way to enjoy it. Above all, men hate being miserable and usually find a way to not be.
Men are…amazing creatures. I studied them and defined their three basic needs: food, sex, sleep. In between those three needs, he seeks comfort and relaxation. Men enjoy a good time and wish for nothing more than to seek it out. This lifestyle has taught them to appreciate the simple, silly, and completely immature things in life that women tend to overlook. And I’m telling you, women are missing out. They really need to learn to relax, play, and laugh more. – Broken
It is because of this, that I have been able—time and time again—to slip into male conversation and just listen. I know what they say about women. Really say. I want to add to this by saying, when I find a man—and there are many—who love their wives, they throw every ounce of their being into her. Ladies, a man is “sloppy” and “lazy” because he has nothing leftover. He has given it all to you.
Also, he’s tired and really doesn’t put “cleaning the house” on the list of priorities. Cleaning is a form of nesting. Men don’t nest, ladies. Give it up. Now relaxing! That is what really is important! And it is! Taking time out and chilling out. Enjoying the life he made for himself. Women need to do this more often. Women need to learn how to play. And stop spiting your husband because he knows how.
In my case, my husband is smart, can hold his own and then some in an intellectual debate with me, busts his ass at work, with the kids, and with me (believe you me, I am a handful)… and spends every night smoking a good cigar around a fire while sipping a 15 year old single malt scotch poured over a whiskey ball shaped like the Death Star. Nothing makes me more happy than when my husband relaxes.
I hate generalizing, but if a man wasn’t beating me or raping me, he was something else. I want to talk about those men today.
While I was locked in my room, waiting for my “boyfriend” to come in and rape me, his friend, “Rodney” came in and very quietly said, “Are you okay?” He hugged me, spent ten minutes comforting me. I will never forget him. For ten minutes, I was seen and heard by somebody… before my “boyfriend” came in, declared I was fine and kicked Rodney out. An hour later, the boyfriend raped me. Rodney was an African American male. my “rapist boyfriend” was a white male.
While I was laying on the OR table having a C-section, the anesthesiologist cradled my head, brushed my cheek and gently spoke to me. I don’t know his name, his face… I know his voice. I will forever love him for that. My husband (now ex-husband) had to be “guilted” into standing with me in the OR while I underwent surgery. I have no idea where he was in the room at this time.
After sporting a black eye to school one day, My Isaac rallied seven of my classmates into a posse to “hunt down” the abuser because “You don’t fucking hit a girl.” The posse were all males from my classroom. Several of whom I had never spoken to.
I could write pages on how awesome my husband is, but I’ll spare you the romantic dribble *smile.*
A man is nothing without a woman.
I know many a man who nods approvingly to that quote.
A real woman respect her husband and takes pride in who he is.
Men have the bro-code. And the bro-code, among men, is taken seriously. Woman. Don’t laugh at it. It is their honor, their code of ethics. I live by the bro-code. It’s solid. We teach it to our children.
So this is me, sending out a massive “Shame on you” to all those women out there who religiously put down their man, beat him, slap him, or hit him. You’re not in high school anymore. It isn’t flirting anymore. It’s abuse. It’s domestic violence.
I speak for the voiceless who love you too much to step up. The man who loves his woman is strong, will kill to protect you. A man who loves his woman won’t hesitate to lay down and die for you when the time comes. And a man who loves his woman will “lie down and take it” if the woman so chooses to beat him. Anything to help her. Anything to make her happy. All because he loves you that much. I speak for the voiceless who love you too much to step up.
“Stop hurting me. I love you too much to let you see me cry.”
Some things to think about:
Why does the “dog house” only apply to men?
Why are there femi-nazis, but no “male-nazis?”
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Why not men? With all the abuse men dished out (and there is a lot of it out there), why don’t we say “Hell hath no fury like a man scorned?”
And above all, NO FIGHT SHOULD EVER INCLUDE CHARACTER ASSASSINATION! From either party. Start teaching your children how to argue and disagree in a civilized fashion.
This came in today from Chrissy Moon @writerangel
Excellent point. Why is this topic taboo? It horrifies me that we’ve ignored and tiptoed around this topic for so long!