As the world knows, today is the 14th anniversary of 9/11. For me, it means a lot more than that. The trauma of 9/11 hit me on a very personal level—this is not to say there are others who did not feel this event just as deeply. I am simply reflecting on my own unique experience with 9/11. And it was unique. I am using this day and the release of Broken to heal. I am told to “talk about it” and “Just keep talking.” At first, I didn’t understand the huge shove into “Talking about trauma.” Now I know. Talking about trauma strengthens the survivor, moves them out of denial, and forces them to confront the issue and get angry enough to finally stand up for themselves and heal. On this day, fourteen years ago, we all shared in the same trauma. Today, I have chosen to convert my guilt and shame into anger so I can hate the one person—the right person—who truly deserves it. I’m not talking about the Taliban.
The other battle—the primary unseen battle—that every trauma survivor should learn to accept is help. Too easily, trauma survivors isolate themselves and shoulder their trauma alone. This is the worst thing they could possibly do. Nor do they have to. It is for this reason, that I have chosen to go as public with my trauma as I have. I must learn that I am no longer alone… and good god… I so want to believe that!
So today, on my website, I will talk about it. I will share it with everyone, and finally deal with it so I can be free of this. I’m not pushing Broken‘s sales today. I’m not grieving just for New York today. Today, I am grieving my own experience alongside New York and I am marking my victory with Broken. Today, I will be angry at the right person. I will be empathetic toward the right people. And I will remove my shame and guilt because I did nothing wrong. I need to keep telling myself that. This is, after all, why I chose to release Broken on 9/11.
Today, I have posts scheduled to go live all morning, scheduled to post at the exact times that the planes hit the towers, and the towers fell 14 years ago. I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this to heal. I’m doing this because part of my healing is finally—FINALLY—being able to talk about it and share my 9/11 experience with others.
Today, I will share with you why I chose 9/11 to release Broken.