“How are you doing?”
Through my smile, I lied.
“Fine,” I said. You smiled back and I watched you walk away.
How that word ripped open my chest and I screamed inside. How am I doing? I’m living a lie dear love. Every moment of every day I think of you while pretending to think of another. I smile and play at pretend, doing all I can to convince those around me that I’m happy and living the fine life, while inside, every moment, every day a part of me is locked away. And I’m screaming. Inside, I’m screaming your name. Over and over. I’m dying inside. That, my dearest love, is how I am. Every moment spent I think of how it would be with you. And how I miss you. How I’m spending this life here, away from you, while another part of me, my mind, my heart, my secrets are all with you. It’s a slow death. A lonely death. A quiet death. And I’m dying it all for you.