I dreamed last night. It wasn’t a nightmare, but… The feeling it evoked is still with me. Like I laid down in a garden with him and there was peace. And I loved him, pure and simple. I loved him so completely in that moment and then forever. I was camping with my family. My […]
Official Diagnoses and Overview
3:53 in the morning. Goddamn the muse. I’ve had one REM cycle—I forgot to take my medication for nightmares tonight—and I can’t sleep. I know I’ll crash and pay for this later. I have Nala in my lap. A stuffed lioness cub I cling to like a child when I sleep. I can’t let her […]
Looking back to “Broken”
These are a series of emails exchanged with an ARC reader. As Broken is being launched, the therapy doesn’t pause. I want to show you a few things with these emails. First, this is what it looks like to be a writer. Second, this is the internal struggle I am dealing with even now. […]
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me? I’m dying inside? There’s war outside. Can you hear me? All around me are horizons. Everywhere I look, horizons. And I wonder, what’s beyond those hills? I dream of what my life could be. I dream of what my life should be. I dream of worlds beyond me. All around me […]
Defining PTSD
PTSD isn’t just for the soldier, but within every trauma survivor is a soldier. Trauma can result in symptoms. The problem is, most people don’t recognize their quirky habits as symptoms. I used to work in a call center. I can not describe the amount of mental stress it caused me. Now I know why. […]
Inside the mind of a bully
“I don’t understand why my step-brother, Shaun, hit me. I just…” I trailed off. I couldn’t explain how much I was at a loss for words with my therapist. This is one of the recent conversations I had with her. The explanation has stayed with me. I can’t get it out of my head. Passive, […]
Nightmares
I’m recording my nightmares again. I started having nightmares when I was around eight. By the time I was twelve, I began keeping a dream journal. 9 July 2015 (Seriously…I am using this dream in a fantasy book!) Part 1 – I had to babysit this group of ethnic children. It was late, about 11:00 […]
Just want to talk…
Hello you. I’ve missed our chats. I just finished painting the hall. It’s 9:09 P.M. I had a sudden case of “must paint the walls.” I hate this stage. This is the “I feel I have no control over my fate, my self, or my existence. I know! I will paint the walls. This way […]
Masquerade
Masquerade. Painted faces on parade. Masquerade. Hide your face so the world will never find you. – The Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Lloyd Weber I have sung that to myself at least three times a day, every day, for twenty years. And now…I. Am tired. This thing inside of me is very much […]
The Day After
I can’t stop writing today. I do this. It comes in waves. I have a bad day, I break and suddenly see more connections. They next day, I review my new perspective and have to relearn and re-examine everything all over again. This is how I am Unbreaking Me 🙂 During my break down yesterday, […]