An email I just got from my girlfriend…
Me waving frantically:: my friend! Hello. How are you?
Angela B Chrysler is standing barefoot in her garden, spots me, and waves back with equal vigor: Hello! I am good. Would you like to step into my garden for coffee and cookies?
Me: absolutely. Let me grab my sunscreen.
I slather sunscreen on my arms , neck, and face. I kick shoes off near the gate and enter.
Me: I missed ya, woman! Catch me up. Oooooo Chips Ahoy!
To be continued……
I emailed her back…
Angela falls flat on her face with exhaustion as she is still trying to recuperate from April 2016. “But I can’t rest! Not yet! I have a book to edit!” *Sigh*
Angi helps Angela off the ground and waves a cookie under her nose waking Angela with a smile.
Angi leads Angela along a trail of alternating cookies and shots of espressos. The trail leads her towards a tavern (a facade for a TARDIS)
Angela attempts to protest between cookie bites. Angi promises “5 minutes , I swear on my Batman comic book collection!”
Angela knows that is a sacred vow. She stops, mid- espresso shot to glare daggers at her friend. Angi swears she heard Angela mutter “Litter box lining! An Iron-man collection is much more valuable.” She continues after her friend.
Angi chooses to not stop and squabble over the infinite awesome virtues of Batman. She is on a determined mission…get Angela inside the TARDIS.
Of course, I wrote…
Iron Man is better than Batman
Eventually, Angi finally nags Angela into the TARDIS. Angela has agreed to said adventure on the following conditions:
1) 2 cats are allowed to go along with her
2) a laptop with reliable internet connection so she can continue to work
3) solemn oath to return her at precisely 2:15pm for her kids.
4) a sword
Angela strides through the tavern doors, with two cats at her heels. The darkened room along with the strange sounds is intriguing.
A tall figure is at the controls. His back is to Angela and Angi. Angi finds a mirror and becomes distracted with re-arranging her kinky curly hair.
“What did you want me to see, girl?” Angela tries to place her hands on her hips, however they are littered with supplies. Instead , Angela’s hand rests on the hilt of her sword.
“Me,” an accented voice emerges from the tall man. “She wanted you to meet me”
He walks forward into the spotlight. (I’m not sure where this spotlight came from, but work with me here, I’m on a roll.)
“You’re friend want you to know that I am….”
He paused dramatically allowing the light to spill across his dark features revealing Tony Starks.
“I’m the Doctor.”
Be still my heart!
Angela drops the sword and throws herself at the Doctor. “Take me with you!!!” she screams knowing it doesn’t matter when or where they go because at the end of the day, he has the power to take her back to exactly this moment when Angela throws herself at the Doctor and screams, “TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!”
And so the Doctor…
Tony…er…The Doctor starts to explain to Angela how he has tracked a potential threat to Endicott. He missed Endicott by a couple of miles and landed in Angi’s dining room.
Much to The Doctor’s annoyance, Angi was not impressed that his latest regeneration was of multi-billionaire and hero Tony Starks. “Really?! You couldn’t be Bruce Wayne! Ugh!” She threw her hands up in disgust.
“Well then, let me grab my purse and sunscreen.” Angi said. “Oh! And pants. I will need those.”
Having gathered her things Angi bullies her way into the TARDIS.
The Doctor looked stunned. ” You are not The Author. Your hair is all wrong. I need The Author.”
“That’s the other Angela. No biggie, I will take you to her. But first we need to stop at the store.”
Pat wisely hugged Angi goodbye and asked if she would be so kind to return home for dinner. He was working on a new recipe.
“Shall we go then!?” The Author declares as she takes up her 10 foot scarf, which she now insists on wearing EVERYWHERE and gives it a flourish, wrapping the scarf around and around and around and around The Author’s neck.
She tucks her Sonic pen into a pocket she materialized with her sonic pen and, withdrawing a recorder, tootles her way into the TARDIS and begins to play with the controls.
“No worries, Doctor,” The Author says. “I’ve seen this done by three Doctors now.”
“Wait!” The Iron-Man/Doctor protests. “You don’t even know where we are going.”
“Oh! Oh! Oh! Pick me” Angi yells, raising her hand and bouncing excitedly. “I know!”
The Author looks back at her friend, they exchange a knowing look and grin mischievously at one another.
“Hang on to something” The Author shouts a breath before she slaps a button. The door to The TARDIS slams shut, engaging the locks. The TARDIS’ melody sings throughout the air. In moments, she disappears from the air leaving a garden lined with fresh lilac blooms waving in the air.
WAhoooooooooooooo WAhoooooooooooooo WAhoooooooooooooo
The TARDIS calls.
“Wahoooooooooooooo,” The Author screams. “Throw your hands in the air! We’re going on an adventure!”
We feel the pull of the TARDIS as it materializes… gods know when or where. Then all goes silent. Angi, The Author, and the Doctor lay on the floor.
“Where are we?” Angi asks, but already, the Doctor is up at the console.
“Let’s see shall we?” he says, turning on the monitor.
A familiar sound pierced the air surrounding the TARDIS.
Angi revitalized by annoyance sits up and glancing towards The Author. “It had to be bagpipes! You couldn’t ease us into this could you?”
The Author grins happily. “Nope. It’s a perfect opportunity for me to confirm some research I was conducting for me book. You know Kallan, Rune, and Bergen travel to-“
“Ladies,” The Iron-man/Doctor interrupts. “We don’t have time to pursues our own personal agendas. We-“
“Well , I want to see Gotham City next.” Angi folds her arms in resolution .
Angela considers this for a moment. She sighs. “Oh alright. If we can find it.”
Angi and Angela burst into laughter. “Ireland. Ooooooh!”
“What year did you pick?”
“996 , I think.”
” Did they even have bagpipes then?”
“Yes. But you’re hearing my IPod. See?”
“Nice touch,” Angi compliments Angela.
“Alright… Ireland,” the Doctor says. “Shall we then.”
“YES!” The Authors says leaping up. Together, Angie and Angela throw open the TARDIS doors and jump straight into—
“Sheep poop!” Angi exclaims wiping her foot in the grass.
“Well, yes,” Angela says. What did you expect *GASP* I know where we are,” Angela says.
“Based on my calculations,” says the Doctor, “We are mid-war when the Fir Bolg warred with Danann herself.”
“I thought you said 996,” Angi asked.
“Oh, you are right,” the Doctor said. “996 B.C.E. to be exact. This is ancient Ireland.”
At that moment, a resounding whoop flooded the air as an army of… creatures of all sorts—One legged giants, cyclops, and monsters of all eras — charged the battle field.
“And we’re standing in the middle of it!” Angi shouts.
“So we are,” The Doctor observes.
“Isn’t it exciting!” The Author declares.
“Run!” The IM/D dashes towards a grassy knoll in the west.
Angela lifts her skirts to knee length to follow behind him. After a few steps, she stumbles over her 10- foot scarf , landing in mud.
Angi, pauses to help her friend up. “You’re gonna have to leave the scarf behind!”
“Never!” The Author quickly twists the scarf into a decorative belt and resumes running.
Angi follows behind. “Why,” she pants out between breathes,”are we running? He’s Iron-Man !”
The earth rumbles beneath their feet. Instinctively, they slow down and look behind as two giants charged each other weapons raised. The both stop running and watch in awe as the two monolith’s dance around each other with skill and grace.
Lightening crackled through the skies. The electrical charged air lifted The Author’s long ebony hair.
Angi watches in horror as her friend’s hair whipped through the air uncontrollable. She reaches up to check her own delicate curls. “Oh thank God,” she mutters, relieved that her hair is still locked in place. “Angela, use the screwdriver!”
Time seems to slow down as Angi watches The Author reaches for her sonic screwdriver. She swishes it through the air around her, dissipating some of the electricity surrounding her.
“We need to find Tony…er…I mean The Doctor,” The Author reminds Angi. She was distracted by the site of a red-headed muscular creature welding a sword.
Still suspending her sonic screwdriver into the sky, The Author channels the lightning through her and into the ground. The wind whips her epic scarf about re-enacting, the most awesome “He-Man” styled scene… in like… EVER!
The giants dance, sending a great tremor through the earth.
“Where is the Doctor!?” Angi screams over the electricity, the storm, the wind, and the giants.
All at once, Angi and Angela are laying on their backs in the TARDIS suspended in space. All is quiet.
“What. Happened?” Angi asks not bothering to lift her head from the floor.
“The most improbable thing!” The Doctor exclaims proudly at the console. “I installed the TARDIS with the improbability drive!”
“Epic!” Angela shouts still laying on the ground. “But I’m afraid to look outside.”
“I don’t get it,” Angi says. “What’s an Improbability Drive?”
On queue, Angela thwaps a large copy of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy onto Angi’s stomach.
Angi looks down at the bold gold lettering that spells out “Don’t Panic!”