Accept my vulnerabilities.
I permit a slight chuckle.
I don’t even know what they are.
My mind feels frail. As if my mental armor has been thinned from therapy. I have less control over my reactions. I feel raw and naked.
“Who am I?”
This all started with those words, didn’t it?
“What do you want?”
Those were the questions. Right now, I want to be strong. I want to not only never be hurt again. I want to know I can prevent myself from ever being hurt again. I want to know I can protect me. I want to stop toggling between worlds.
I had sex with my husband last night and this time… this time, I didn’t trigger. I passed out after and finally… finally… I fell asleep soundly without the demons to haunt me. So, this is how the rest of the world experiences intimacy. It’s nice. I hate that I haven’t been able to experience it until now.