I can’t stop writing today. I do this. It comes in waves. I have a bad day, I break and suddenly see more connections. They next day, I review my new perspective and have to relearn and re-examine everything all over again.
This is how I am Unbreaking Me 🙂
During my break down yesterday, I screamed with my husband about PTSD. He wanted to know what triggered it.
“I read Broken,” I said. No. That wasn’t it. I was fine. I then remembered PTSD awareness. I had seen the hashtag on Twitter and Googled “PTSD awareness.” That is when I found the “National Center For PTSD.”
I read the first line and got ANGRY. Veterans. Combat. Lies. And that…that is when I started having issues. The lies. The misinformation.
(Mental note…At the word lies, I just felt my survival kick in. My body reacted at once. My eyes widened, my breathing slowed as if I was purposely breathing quietly, and I entered “prey” mode. The hyperarousal now follows. Apparently, lies and incorrect information from a reliable source is also a trigger of mine. That explains SO MUCH. More to review.)
Did you know that 6 out of 10 women are victims of rape or sexual abuse? And those are just the ones who talk about it. I suspect the numbers are closer to 8 out of 10.
How many of you were raped or sexually assaulted?
How many adults remember an unhappy child hood?
How many foster care children are there in the US?
How many children were beaten by their parents?
How many of you were bullied?
How many of you were abused?
How many of you were in a car accident?
How many of you witnessed your parents fighting as children?
I know the answer. A hell of a lot more than there are veterans or soldiers who experienced combat. Don’t get me wrong. I respect the veterans. But it is a lie to think they are the primary sufferers of PTSD. Any one of these things and many more can result in PTSD. Anyone who suffered from trauma can get PTSD and the primary sufferers of PTSD are the civilians. Children who went unheard because the abusers were their parents.
Now here is the part that pissed me off. I didn’t even think I could even have PTSD because I wasn’t a soldier who fought in a war. So it wasn’t even something I considered. WRONG! SO WRONG!
Take a look at the June 2015 issue of Time magazine (Love Time magazine, by the way! One of the two magazines I read). There is an article in there that states nightmares aren’t normal. I said, “Wait what? Since when?”
Oh! The nightmares I had. Every night. Vivid dreams. For nearly ten years.
I dreamed the other day I was a marine and partnered with an eight year old whose head I watched blown off. Her blood and brains were splattered on my clothes and face. Yeah. Nightmares. Aren’t normal. That was one of the normal ones I have. Welcome to my world. Bring your own weapon.
Only 5% of adults of nightmares. 80% of PTSD sufferers experience nightmares. – June 2015 issue of Time magazine
That’s a clue!
Why am I on this rant? It’s PTSD awareness month and for the first time in my life, I am being heard. So this is me screaming as loud as I can,
“Can you hear me while I’m dying inside?
There’s war outside! Can you hear me?”
I wrote that when I was thirteen. Now I understand why.