Still one of my favorite posts…
Sugie: DUH Duh duh. [dramatic notes]
Rushing in, Ben catches the tripwire Angela had strung and he falls flat on his face.
“Heheheheheheheeee…. Hahahahahahahahahahaaa… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
Angela lights a match, a cigarette, takes a draw and smiles. “My plan worked. You just couldn’t stay away.”
Angela cocks her gun and stands over Ben straddling him as she peers at him through her scope.
She clears her throat and begins… the monologue.
“So, you think you could just stroll in here and pelt me with blue balls? You think me so weak. What you don’t realize is, while I had you locked up in Brooklyn, I infused your brain with bio mimetic gel that activates on contact with green paint I have mixed with my secret ingredient.
When it is activates, you will turn on your allies.”
Angela cocks her gun… again…
“Do you know what color I have in my gun, Ben? Well? Do ya’?”
Ben sees the muzzle in front of him and hears the shot. His body convulses with paintballs impacting his zoot suit. It seems that all is lost…but wait… the interaction of the bio mimetic gel and green paint produces a reaction very different from what Angela was expecting…
…somewhere in the distance a choir begins singing the soviet national anthem a la ‘Hunt for the Red October”
Ben easily throws the 4’11” amerikanski girl from him and and come to stand at his full height like a titan of the steppe….
“You must bow the the might of the Motherland and my blue (paint)balls.”
In the bowels of an ancient ruin a cigarette flies from an astonished mouth. Paintballs impact Angela as she falls to the ground, like Rocky, in the first half of the fourth movie…
Ben steps over her “Is good! Now, I go find cousin and scarf man!”
Angela: Rage impales Angela’s core and forgetting the paint balls, the guns, and the cigarette, Angela lunges herself at Ben, pummels his back and throws him to the floor. Her gun is just out of reach.
Ben: Darkness, itself, blushes….
Angela: Angela reaches… for the gun… and grabs it (no wait, those are my Laurel leaves!)
Oh my god…
Angela’s hand curls around her crown of laurel leaves. Reality slowly sinks in and Angela does the math.
- Implanting scientific devices in wretched scoundrels named Ben.
- The evil dick laugh often used by anime characters
“I even monologued,” Angela says in a raspy Batman voice. She gasps.
“I have a raspy Batman voice! And I smoke cigarettes… while monologue-ing! I’M THE BAD GUY… … … I’m going to lose!”
Ben: Over-matched, Benski, calls out to his peeps in a frequency only they can hear…
Sugie immediately hears her cousin, who has gotten rid of his false boring American accent and proudly taken on his proper accent. [somebody somewhere said it was sexy, so that’s probably why]
She and Ernesto leave the bears and rush in to aid him, and as they dash through the corridors of ruins, they run into Cory.
“Ben!” calls Sugie, and when he answers, she can tell she is very close. Whatever Angela has planned, she will never let it happen. Cory and Ernesto yell at the top of their lungs as they rush around the next corner.
The yell turns into boisterous laughter. There is Ben, all green and swigging vodka [where’d he get THAT from?], while Angela seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown on a pile of ruins behind him.
“Dude!” Ernesto coughs out between laughs. “What was the big surprise?”
Angela: Angela realizes at that moment that if she’s going down she’s taking Ben with her. Pulling her last grenade from her pocket she pulls the pin and grins.
“Das vi danya,” she mutters and lays herself down, the grenade between them.
Sugie: Of course the great bears did not just sit outside the ruins, and Ben’s favorite one, сахар медведь, jumps in front of the shot.
*SPLAT!* indeed. But of course being a giant Russian grizzly bear, he barely even felt it.
“Мы победили!” shouts Ben in victory.
Where did all those other fighters go? Goodness, whatever happened to Jaselyn and Benedict. They couldn’t possibly pull a rabbit out of the proverbial hat, when the end seems such a foregone conclusion, could they?
Ben: Somewhere in the distance, a balalaika plays sadly, but with feeling….
Angela:Angela lies there… listening to the balalaika and wondering where in god’s name it was coming from. Ben shoves her off and she hits the ground with a thud. Red paint covers them both, but Angela accepts her defeat like a man dying upon the fields with great honor.
She lights a cigarette and stays on her back in the dark halls of Machu Piccu.
“I’ve always wanted to visit the Peruvian Jungles.”
Ben: Next to her, Ben lies dripping in paint of communist color. He asks for and receives a drag of her cigarette as they and Sugie lie on the strangely comfy and warm ground stare up at the gloomy ceiling, pondering life and where the heck their comrades are now…
And the balalaika? Why, it’s being played by a bear, off course!
A bottle of vodka makes the rounds….
Angela: “You do know I’m going to have to avenge me, right?” Angela takes a swig of Ben’s vodka and exchanges it for her cigarette.
“Computer. End program.”
Deepest love and affections for the players:
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